My Inbloguration

That’s right. I just made a cyber pun. It’s not my first and it won’t be my last.

But this will be the last time I let another year go by while not living up to my maximum Jackass potential. Unless you've been living in one of these for the past decade, you're already familiar with the MTV grossout bromance show. So let’s take Steve-O as an example: If you’ve ever spent more than 5 minutes in a room with Steve-O, as I have had the odd fortune of doing, the first tidbit he’ll bring to the table is that he is a premature ejaculator. And that is a straight-up fact. Sure, go ahead and think I banged Steve-O--only he, my friend Heidi and myself know the truth. The second thing you’ll learn about Steve-O is that his comfort zone is when he’s doing anything outside his comfort zone: Drinking a mug of his BFF’s funneled sweat, locking himself inside a porta-potty and then launching said outhouse in the air via bungees to create the "Poo Cocktail Supreme" and butt-chugging a beer enema are all on his list of accomplishments. 

I wanna be like those guys. Only maybe I won’t shove a tube up my friend’s ass. But here and now I dare myself to step outside my comfort zone, try new things I normally wouldn’t and embrace challenges thrown at me.

How am I doing so far? The start of 2013 dealt me two significant life-changers: 1) I got laid off from my job, and 2) I got bangs. I’ve embraced the unemployment, yet the bangs just suck. I may never accept them. But I quickly realized that through joblessness comes boredom, which turns into desperation, which can then lead to inspiration. So for however long Uncle Sam’s paycheck lasts me, and hopefully much longer, I'll be recording my adventures in boredom and taking my trademark insecurities and pessimism and giving them a swift boot to the fanny. You are welcome to challenge me! I will genuinely consider all dares, reasonable or unreasonable.

My first challenge for the next week, despite being single and living in the most romantically handicapped city ever, will be to celebrate the heart-shaped pants off of Valentine's Day. Stay tuned for my findings--It’s time to get off my jackass and go out on a limb.